To The Faculty and Staff of South Edmonson Elementary

Dear Faculty and Staff of South Edmonson Elementary,

I have been composing this letter in my head for the past few weeks and now is the time that I must write it and get everything off of my chest. I don't like you very much. You are getting ready to take away my baby boy! Now I have no personal problem with any of you. I am just saddened beyond belief that he is actually old enough to be going to kindergarten! It seems like only yesterday I was teaching kindergarten there myself and off on maternity leave to take care of him as a new born.............where has the time gone?!?!

Now. The true intent of this letter is to warn you of some things now that you will be spending countless hours with my son. I decided to use this venue since much to my mortification I was told you ALL looked at my blog at a PD........so maybe some of you still read it! Here are the things I want to pass along and PLEASE head my advice with caution!!!

1. If you are his teacher, I am sorry. He is much like his mother and never shuts up.
2. He can't write his name yet. He informed me that I was not his teacher, she would teach him how. Sorry. I tried.
3. When he runs in the gym and says "What's up Clark?" instead of addressing Mr. Clark like he is suppose to, I am sorry. He doesn't make the transition from "that's a person" to "that's a teacher" very well. In a likewise manner Mrs. Lisa will be "Noah's Nana".
4. He absolutely will not understand why he can't go to Mrs. Donna whenever he wishes. He has LOVED her since he was little and I am warning you that if he gets his feelings hurt he will feel the need to run to her for love and cake icing......probably won't understand why she doesn't have icing at school either!
5. This is perhaps the most important thing I need to tell you! DO NOT BELIEVE ANYTHING HE COMES TO SCHOOL AND TELLS YOU ABOUT US AT HOME!!! Lord, I shudder at the thought of what things he might try and pass along!!!
6. He thinks he can speak Spanish. He CAN NOT speak Spanish. I hope he is in a class with no Hispanic children.............not because we are prejudice, but because I feel certain he will offend them!
7. I will be that crazy crying Mama on day one that you all are rolling your eyes at when she turns around and praying for her to leave. Just warning you up front.
8. When I forget to do his homework or forget to pack his lunch or snack don't talk about me...........let's just blame it on the pregnancy hormones for now.........in a few months we'll have to think of another excuse for my lack of brain power.

In all honesty, he is VERY excited about school. As you can tell I am not. I know he will be loved and taken care of and get a wonderful education, but this is a HUGE transition! Best of luck to all of you at SEE on a great year!!!