Thursday, April 30, 2009

Transforming My Skin

With only 17 days until Bridezilla's wedding, I must get started with my "cosmetic" preparations for the event. In an effort to avoid having a matron of honor with a farmer's tan, Sis purchased a very nice tanning bed package for me from Express Tan. It is called the "sampler package" and in course of five visits I am going to have laid in five different beds and will have transformed my skin from the hues of white and brown of my farmers tan to a rich bronze color all over.

In high school and college I laid in the tanning bed quite a bit, but I have not been in the last five years at all. Apparently in that amount of time tanning beds have changed. The beds that I have always laid in looked like this:

When I went on a "tour" of Express Tan to view the "sampler package" of beds I was able to see things that look like this:

This should be interesting..............

Tuesday, April 28, 2009

Weekend Fun

The weather we experienced over the last weekend was beautiful! It allowed us some much anticipated family time outdoors. In that time the following occurred:

1. I learned how to go from a sitting position to a standing position while bouncing on the trampoline.

2. I caught a 3 pound blue gill and Jeremy caught a minnow while fishing!

3. Jeremy actually cooked, but the pan he was cooking the chicken in exploded and we lost our "secret sauce" flavor when we had to wash the glass off of the chicken.

4. I got the nerve up to tell Bridezilla that I will not be going on her bachelorette party trip before the wedding........I am afraid I may see her in a future episode of "Girls Gone Wild" and I'm just not up to that level of partying! She is now refusing to speak to me...........again.

5. We got the riding mower fixed, but Jeremy rode while I used the push mower to trim out the yard............what the %$#@!!!!

6. We went to Pepper's where the wait staff and manager asked us why we only had one child. When I smiled and said "that's not up to us," they laughed, spoke in Spanish, then told us we need to do it more!

7. Colby apparently doesn't agree with the Pepper's employees.......he told my mom and dad that Jeremy and I spend too much time kissing and stuff.

What a fun weekend!

Sunday, April 26, 2009

I Know How My Husband Is Going to Die

I know how my husband is going to die. I know this with 100% certainty, and no, it doesn't pertain to the lawn mower............well our lawn mower anyway..........allow me to explain.

One beautiful day last week I was following my sweet husband home from my dad's house. He was driving 31-W's speed limit of 55 and I was on his bumper going 55 with the windows down and the radio up.

Traffic began to suddenly slow down near the Ballance MotoCross. By the time we got in front of the Ballance Farms traffic was at a crawl. I wondered if there had been an accident or what might be going on..............then it hit me as the scent of fresh cut grass floated through the air................the Ballance's yards were again being the gorgeous young girl in tank top and shorts that mows each year.

It is an amazing phenomenon, but MANY men look forward to her mowing days (the hotter the temperature the more they like it as she seems to dress for the weather). Traffic is always at a snail's pace when she is mowing.........and I can't blame the men.............she is beautiful!

But nevertheless I am certain this is how my husband will die. It will be a warm summer day and he will have forgotten to look for the lawnmower babe and when he sees her he will suddenly come to a stop to stare and someone will run him over.

I hardly think I would have the same impact further down 31-W if I try to mow our yard scantily may speed up to get past faster!!!

Tuesday, April 21, 2009

Patience Please

God, grant me patience please. My son just stuck bubble gum in my hair and I had to cut a chunk of it out (good thing I have layers). Please Lord give me the strength to not beat him!!!

Monday, April 20, 2009

Count Down.......

Only 26 days until my sanity returns.............uhh..............I mean until Meagan's wedding. Not that I'm counting or anything! ;)

Sunday, April 19, 2009

"Spanx" You Very Much!

Well, under the advisement of several of my closest friends and bloggers, I decided to give the "spanx" a whirl to go under my bride's maid dress for Sis's wedding. The dress came in this week so on Saturday we took off to the mall in search of this mystery clothing item you all told me about.

We took the dress into Lane Bryant and they immediately pointed me in the right direction. I found my size and off to the dressing room we went. I was curious about the small package that contained something to smooth all the lumps and bumps on my body, but I figured I should give it a try.

I opened the package and pulled out what looked like panty hose. I held them up to my face to examine them. They were the "higher power" kind and looked like Steve Urkel style biking shorts. They seemed a bit small, but I had to give them a try.

I poked in one leg and PULLED. Not much progress. I PULLED again. Still little progress. I put my other leg in and tried jumping up and down. That helped a little. After about three minutes of jumping, shaking, and other movements that bordered on convulsions, I got the spanx on. My immediate reaction was that I looked like a stuffed sausage. The spanx went from under my boobs to about mid thigh. I laughed at myself.........for a while........and then put on the dress.

It worked wonders!!! Wow! What an amazing product once you get it on! There was only one little "bump" on my tummy and the sales lady examined my dress and under the dress (ugh) and said that the lump was from my underwear and I wasn't suppose to wear them with the spanx anyway so that wouldn't be there on the wedding day.

Wait a minute...............those things have a hole in the she serious or was this sales lady having a good time at my expense????? Come on!!!!

Saturday, April 18, 2009

Play Ball!

Today was the first day of our tee-ball season! Colby is on the sweetest little team. Brian and Terry Alexander are the coaches and we have some of the cutest little boys on the team! We are a VERY young and inexperienced team, but the boys are having a blast and that is what counts!!!

My little man playing first base.

Ready for the National Anthem.

My ball player.

Me and my little guy!

Colby and Daddy.

Friday, April 17, 2009

My Lunch Date

Today I ate with lunch with one of the strangest people I have ever shared a meal with. It was a man in his late twenties/early thirties. He had a shaggy beard and stringy hair pulled back in a ponytail. He was a sub at the school that I was working at today.

When I entered the lounge I didn't think much was wrong with the man so I sat down near him and said hello. Apparently this translated into "I'm going to be friendly so come and sit with me."

He talked about a variety of things....a stereo stolen....a kid he had in class..... a movie he had seen.....etc. I only grinned and nodded because I was too focused on the fact that he continually put salt on his hand and licked it off.......and he had a big glob of white goo on his check......and he blinked 1,000 times per second.

I couldn't handle it! I woofed down my lunch in a record 9 minutes (easily done since I had really lost my appetite!), smiled, and excused myself from my disgusting lunch partner.

I have eaten with toddlers withe better table manners!! Anyone else have a gross lunch date story???

Thursday, April 16, 2009

Who Was That Woman???

Last night I went to Zaxby's in Glasgow with my little family for dinner. In the restaurant there was a family of three that looked like they had just fell off of the skank wagon. Dad had on overalls, the kid was covered in mud, and the mom was dressed in black yoga pants and a yellow tie die tee shirt and had a mess of hair that looked like it hadn't been washed in days. You know was us! I was the skanky woman in Zaxby's that made people question my hygiene!

I had cleaned house at our home and my Daddy's all day and was exhausted. Jeremy and Colby had been on the four wheeler "muddin" all afternoon and were filthy. I didn't have the energy to cook so we too of to Glasgow where we figured we wouldn't know anyone! The food was great and the stares weren't too bad!

Anyone else ever headed out on the town completely skanked over??? I KNOW I can't be the ONLY one!!!

P.S. I tried to find a graphic to go with this post, but Google Images embarrassed me with the things that popped up when I typed in "dirty woman." I think I will be scared for life!

Wednesday, April 15, 2009

Texting Has Improved Our Marriage!

Yes, you read the title right. Texting has improved our marriage. Allow me to explain!

About a month ago Jeremy FINALLY figured out how to text. With a little coaxing and practice he got it down pat. In the time since I have received about three texts a day from him give or take a couple. Some of my favorites include:

-"I love you."
-"You are my sunshine."
-"Whatever you say dear."
-"Sorry I am an idiot."
-"We'll do it your way then."
-"Anything you want honey."
-"I'm and idiot again."
-"I'll stop being an idiot."

See! Wouldn't that make you feel better about marriage if you were getting texts like these?? He doesn't always apologize in person but via texting he feels safe saying "sorry" and "oops I'm an idiot......again".

The thing I like even better than the text apologies and admittance of stupidity is the text flirting! That can really spice things up too!

Do you and your loved one text? If not............give it a whirl!!!

Sunday, April 12, 2009

Happy Easter

I have always loved Easter. It is a wonderful time to worship and spend time with family and friends. It is also a fun time for children with egg decorating, egg hunts, candy, and occasional gifts. One thing has always puzzled me about the "commercial" side of Easter though.........why on earth do we mess with all of these eggs if the "commercial" side focuses on a RABBIT?????

Friday, April 10, 2009

My 100th Post!!!

Today I have officially hit 100 posts on my blog. This tells me a few things about myself.

1. I LOVE to write and this is a fun outlet for me!
2. I have to get some things out of my system to an adult audience since I spend most of my time with children.
3. I have too much spare time - no that's not true.....I just neglect other things so I can blog (sleep, cleaning, etc)
4. I always try to find the humor in situations.........otherwise I might loose my mind!
5. Life is NOT perfect so why fluff up the things that go right? Might as well lay it all out on the table and let others know how "messy" my simple life can be!!! So few things go smooth and perfect in our world that I would have very LITTLE to write about if that was the focus of my blog!

Thanks to all of my readers out there. I get a few comments and a few emails from readers, but the numbers on my counter reflect that a lot more of you are reading than let me know. Are you stalking my blog? Ha! I am THRILLED that you read and I hope I bring a smile to your face from time to time. Happy reading blogging friends!!

Wednesday, April 8, 2009

Help Me Please!

I am trying to get a free customized header for my blog. I have found a way, but I need your help.

There is a site called that provides free layouts for you to use on your blog page (like On the site it gives instructions on how to get the free header. If you could PLEASE follow the directions for me and send your info it I would GREATLY appreciate it! The instructions say:

"If you are a FOLLOWER and you get one of your friends/family members to FOLLOW us, have them send us an email to with your blog address (make sure we have an invite if you are marked private) and YOU will get a free custom made header to match your Scrappin' Blog Layout!"

My blog address is If you do this leave me a comment letting me know! I will be happy to do it for you also!!!

Tuesday, April 7, 2009

And the Bridal Showers Begin!

On Saturday evening the bridal shower maddness for my little Sis began. Myself and Meagan's roommate of 5 years, Krystal (otherwise referred to as Saint Krystal for putting up with Meagan that long!), hosted a gathering for her at Lonestar so that all of her friends could come together to shower her with gifts of lingerie that resembles dental floss or a band-aid much more than it did clothing.

The closest I have been to some of these skimpy outfits being on my body was edible that night.

There was a wonderful turnout and everyone was in good spirits. Meagan recieved many funny and nice gifts. I think my gift to her was the best because it was they type of underwear she will really wear upon marrying the man of her dreams.

Somehow the waiter ended up with my gift though, but I KNOW Meagan will regret having given them away as soon as the "honeymoon" period wears off!

We are now T Minus 40 days until the wedding. I feel sure there will be approximately 27 more showers for me to attend and dress up and act "nice" at. I feel confident there will be atleast 387 more arguments between her and my mother over wedding details. I know that there will be a minimum of 783 outburts from my dear sister about things that didn't go as planned. But, when all is said and done and the sun sets to close the day on May 16th, my dear sister will be married......then the fun can really begin!!

Don't Kiss Off!

Occasionally because of my love for couponing I am able to purchase (or better yet, get for free) a product that I would not typically buy. On a recent trip to CVS I was able to get Revlon Colorstay Overtime lipstick in Endless Brandy for FREE! I was stoked about the item simply because it was free. (Jeremy swears I would take home a sack of poop just because it was FREE!)

I am not a "glam" gal and I do not wear lipstick often.....until I got this product. The product claims to last "overtime." I would consider that claim true. After my first application I was pleased with the color. Two days later the color was still there - not as bright, but still hanging around to make me look silly wearing lipstick with my pajamas and wild morning hair. I ended up having to use a loofah to get the stuff off (not one of my smarter ideas!)

So now I have this pretty lipstick that is made of Lord knows what and stays on for days. I had to test it. So far it has passed EVERY test I have performed!

Kiss my hubby - PASS
Eat - PASS
Brush Teeth - PASS
Brush Lips - PASS
Go to dentist - PASS
Scrub lips with coarse bathroom towel - PASS

Wow! What a deal! Not only was the product free......I only have to use it about twice a week so it will last FOREVER! If you are a lipstick girl this one is for you!!

Monday, April 6, 2009

Using It The Right Way


With that being said, let the ranting begin!

Today my Dad picked me and Colby up to do some of his running. We went to the Cee Bee in Brownsville for him to pick up some meat. As we stood in the checkout line there was a family in front of us who had two small children and mom and dad out for a shopping adventure. The cart was mounded over in such a way that junk food lovers might dream about it. Cookies, cakes, chips, frozen meals, candy, cokes, ice cream, Red Bulls, the list goes on and on. The only healthy items in the cart included two packs of chicken and one pot roast. No milk. No juice. No fruits or veggies. Just junk.

The gracious cashier told the lovely family their total was $150 and the mother grinned and swiped a card and proclaimed, "I love food stamps!" Wow. The blood in my veins crept toward the temperature in which liquids boil as I struggled to keep my cool. I was very polite and just smiled and kept my mouth closed on the subject until we got in the truck and I unleashed my furry in a conversation with my Daddy.

Government aid for families can be a wonderful thing if they are using it to properly take care of their household, however if they are purchasing junk food and energy drinks I hardly think that they are using the aid in the correct manner! Are there no regulations on what the food stamps are used for? It infuriates me when I spend a large amount of time on trying to feed my family well, but cheaply out of my own pocket and some people spend government money on anything their hearts desire. Maybe I should totally quit working so we can get money for food each month from Uncle Sam too. Then I could get myself and my family all strung out on sugar and Red Bulls at the taxpayers expense, much like the lovely family I had the pleasure of meeting at the Cee Bee today!

Friday, April 3, 2009

Saving Up For A Much Needed Purchase

My son is once again saving money. Last month it was for the assault riffle, this month................a jar of peanut butter.

You may wonder why I am encouraging this purchase for my son. Well, allow me to explain.

Colby was sitting outside on the picnic table enjoying a snack of peanut butter. I could see where this was going as Max's nose went into high alert at the whiff of food. I immediately made the statement, "Do not feed the peanut butter to the dog," thinking that my sweet four year old would abide by my request.

Approximately three minutes later when I came back to the picnic table, Colby still had spoon in hand............and Max had tongue in jar. Grins and tail wags let me know that this was a happy moment, but being Mommy, I had to end the fun.

"Why did you disobey and feed Max the peanut butter?" I asked.

"He told me he wanted some," replied my son.

"How did he tell you that?"

"I can read his mind," Colby said.

"That is an amazing ability to have," I say. "Can you read my mind."

"Ummmm.........You are thinking you love me."

"Try again," I say.

"You are thinking that I am gonna buy some more peanut butter."

"Bingo!" I say.............time for illegal child labor so he can earn his peanut butter money. Ahh, the joys of motherhood!

Thursday, April 2, 2009

Suicide Attempt

In a recent post I eluded to the fact that I had PUSH mowed my three acre yard. Yes, I said PUSH mowed. Apparently I was attempting suicide subconsciously.

I had never had the push mowing experience until yesterday. My dear Daddy spoiled me rotten and I never had to do that before. It was fun for about 30 minutes. Then just like the toys we panic over buying our kids for Christmas - the "new" wore off real quick!

The first two hours I was motivated.....the yard needs mowing.....this is great exercise....I am saving money on gas for the mower.....I am impressing the heck out of my hubby.

By hour three I was taking breaks every 15 minutes so that I could make the tingling in my legs subside and rest my hands that were tired of holding the bar on the mower that keeps it running.

By hour four I was cussing my husband with each breath I took. Stomp. Stomp. Stomp. "Jeremy is an A$$." Stomp. Stomp. Stomp. "I am going to push this mower where the sun doesn't shine in dear Mr. Vincent!"

By hour five my sweet Daddy came to check on me (because I wasn't answering my phone) and laughed at my near lifeless appearance. "You look like you have been hit by a truck," he said. I thought to myself, being hit by a truck might have felt better than the past five hours of landscaping torture had caused me.

When Jeremy came home at 11:00 from work I was out cold. This morning before I left at 7:00 I woke him up to say:

"You have an ultimatum on your hands. There are three choices for you!

1. You can fix the riding mower we have - cheaply.

2. You can find someone to bum a mower off of from time to time.

3. You can buy a couple of goats."

It will be interesting to see what he chooses, but honestly I am expecting a couple of goats to show up at our home any day now!

Wednesday, April 1, 2009

What Language Do I Speak???

Apparently a problem has risen concerning my speaking ability. Unknown to me, from time to time I speak in a different language. This causes massive confusion on my part and leads to ruffled feathers.

For example......

"I would give anything for the yard to get mowed before it rains." translated into "If you go and bum your Dad's push mower I will use it for our 3 acre yard."

"Don't feed the dog the peanut butter." translated into "Wait until I am not looking and let Max lick out of the peanut butter jar."

"I wish we could spend more time together." translated into "I'll wait up for you to get home from work at 11:00 so we can hang out and watch a movie and I can still get up at 5:30."

"That is a bad choice Colby, please do it correctly." translated to "You are not gonna get ANY presents from Santa." (massive tears and cries followed)

Any suggestions to breaking down this language barrier??