Tuesday, June 8, 2010

Types of Moms

Today I decided that the kids and I would clear out of the house and head to Bowling Green to run a few errands so Jeremy could sleep in a quiet house. This was my first big trip out with both kids. It will most likely be my last. After half a dozen stops and plopping down on a bench at the mall to say a prayer, catch my breath, and count to ten to keep from screaming I was able to do a bit of Mommy research. As I watched others go by I realized that there are five types of Moms.

First there is the perfect mom.

This is the mom who has her kids under total control and she looks incredibly put together. Not a hair is out of place and she has a pleasant smile on her face. Not only is mom happy but the kids are happy. She strolls in and out of shops with the greatest of ease.

This is not me.

Second, there is the mean mom.

She barks orders at her kids and has a scowl on her face. She can often be seen grumbling into her cell phone or being rude to people she encounters during her errands. The kids are mad or crying. She tugs them to and fro.

Stifle your surprise, but this mom is not me either.

Third, there is the in-denial mom.

As she completes her running to and fro with children in tow she seems to be dreaming of a far away land. Her children are climbing on shelves and touching everything in the store. They shout, they scream, they make us thankful that those children do not go home with us. All the while the mom ignores them and goes on with her tasks thinking about letting Calgon take her away.

This is not me - yet.

Next there is the perky mom.

She is excited about making an outing with her children. When things go wrong she slaps a big ole' smile on her face and handles the situation like it was a piece of cake. She pushes her stroller and talks sweet to her kids. Everything is exciting and wonderful and the world is a great place.

Nu-uh. Not me.

Last is the category I fell into today and feel that I belong to best - The frantic mom.

This is the mom that got up this morning thinking she could accomplish all she needed to today with her children along for the ride. She tries to be the perky mom and take care of things with a big ole' smile on her face but has her 5 year old spins the 5 month old in circles in the middle of a store she starts to loose her patience. She raises her voice like the mean mom when the 5 year old who has begged to push the stroller takes the baby and stroller and park them 20 feet away from her and ran off. There is not a hair in place and she is sweating just trying to keep her cool. She carefully calculates what she says to her children within ear shot of strangers to avoid a brush with Social Services later. She finally gets all of her errands done and gets the children in the car ready to burst into tears. When she gets home she threatens her husband's life if he ever thinks she will leave the house again alone accompanied by said children.

Yes friends. I am that kind of mom.

What kind are you?


The Doyle Family said...

Hilarious and so true! I always try to start out being the perky and perfect mom, but usually end up being mean and frantic! It seems that every time I have multiple errands to run, it is naptime and either A. I have to wake Preston up - Major Mistake or B. Preston doesn't get his much-needed nap - Major Mistake. I'm glad I'm not the only one who tries to minimize my outings as a "single" mother. :)

April said...

I know we haven't formally met or anything, but I feel like I know you from your posts. I do think we have children in the same class next year. Anyway, I am definitely the frantic mom. I don't even pretend to be the perky mom or the perfect mom (although that would be nice). My kids aren't too bad when we go out, but I get so upset if they don't act perfectly and if they embarrass me that I morph into the mean mom sometimes. I try to do it nice and quietly though so I don't look like the crazy mean mom. I try to get my point across that they will punished for this later. Anyway, I enjoy your posts.

Jeremy, Shauna, & Kennedy said...

So funny!! I try to be the perky mom, but in the end I end up pretty frantic... For some reason whenever I take Kennedy into the mall she is transformed into a little tazmanian devil!! I think she just gets overly excited, however I end up leaving before I get anything done. I rarely go anywhere without a back-up person! LOL! I don't think I will even attempt it with are brave!!

Heather said...

I love your honesty! Although, I have seen you out in public and you seem to have everything under control. But yes, I start out thinking that nothing is going to get to me and I will keep that smile on my face UNTIL I hear for the hundredth time, "He hit me!", "He's looking at me!", " I said it first!". Then I become loud and frantic and just hoping that no one is around that I actually know. But with that said, I will say that my kids do tend to behave in public (thank goodness). We just have to work on that "at home" and "in the vehicle" thing:o)