Tuesday, August 18, 2009

The Morning Schedule

It is not a good sign when you are totally pissed off within minutes of your feet hitting the ground, however this is a feeling that overtakes me nearly every morning of my existence now that I am the Mommy of a child in school. Here is a rundown of our morning beating schedule, umm, I mean morning schedule.

5:45 - I get up, plug in my rollers, put on make up, roll hair.
6:00 - First wake up call for Colby. Lamp by bed is turned on and a sweet "Time to get up Baby Boy," is whispered.
6:05 - I shake Colby and say louder, "Time to get up."
6:07 - The over head light goes on and I announce loudly, "Colby you have to get up and go to school now."
6:09 - I shake Colby a little harder and begin barking my orders of how he needs to get his butt out of bed.
6:11 - I meanly take his cover and pillows away from him and he starts crying that he "hates" school and wants to go back to sleep.
6:12 - I pick up the phone and make a "pretend" call to his teacher to tell her once again Colby had declared he hates school and isn't coming in.
6:13 - Colby flings himself from the bed crying and screaming that I "CAN NOT" tell his teacher that. He then settles back down and tries to sleep on the floor.
6:15 - I tell Jeremy to help before I kill them both.
6:16 - Jeremy whines and cries and groans.
6:17 - Jeremy is threatened with things he wouldn't dream of going without and he gets up and yells at Colby to "listen to your Momma boy and get up."
6:20 - Colby is crying, Jeremy is still half asleep, and the wrinkle in the middle of my forehead is getting deeper as I scowl at my "wonderful" family around the breakfast table.
6:21 - Arguments about what we can and can't have for breakfast begin (while I take my medicine and my shot secretly wishing I was shooting up with something besides blood thinner to make my morning feel better!)
6:25 - Breakfast of some sort is on the table and Colby lays his head on the table and declares he isn't eating. I walk to the counter and get the wooden spoon.
6:27 - After two bites Colby says he is done and if he eats anymore he will die. I hit the table with the wooden spoon.
6:29 - Colby is finished again and I only have to act like I am going to pick the wooden spoon up.
6:35 - Colby and I head to the bathroom to brush teeth, fix our hair (mine really because he has 47 cowlicks and has to keep a buzz cut) and to wash his face.
6:45 - We go to the living room and I hand Jeremy Colby's clothes for the day. I head off to get dressed and curse my closet because nothing will fit.
6:55 - I come in to the living room fully dressed and ready to roll. Colby is still in his underwear and his Daddy is an idiot. I snatch up Colby's clothes and dress him myself.
7:05 - Everyone is now dressed and I send Colby to use the bathroom. I check to make sure we all have everything we need for the day.
7:10 - We head out the door.

Anyone else have a crazy morning schedule??


Nan said...

HAHAHAHAHA!!! My favorite part of your morning is definitely 6:55!!! :o)

Jeremy, Shauna, & Kennedy said...

That sounds a lot like our mornings!! :)

Heather said...

Laughing out loud...again!! Our mornings have been pretty calm so far. BUT it's our bedtime routine that tends to get a bit crazy. We get out of bed to drink...then to pee because we drunk too much...then we forgot to hug Daddy...then we have to get our stuffed fox (Todd). But I'm working on it:o) I guess your ready for a nap by the time you get out the door.