Valentine Mush to Drunken Lush

Ahhh.........love is in the air! It is Valentine's Day. It is also the one day of the year that I pull out the fancy china we got for our wedding and serve a homemade romantic diner. This year's menu includes red pepper chicken alfredo and garlic bread. I thought that with the Italian meal that maybe a wine would be nice with it....we don't really drink, but I have these beautiful wine glasses that came with the china so maybe this one night............

So as I enter the chaos that is Walmart at the holidays, I begin to load up my cart with the essential Valentine items - meal ingredients, card, some flowers, candles, and a bottle of $2.97 Boone's Farm wine..........some kind of berry because it will be pretty with the china and meal.........don't know what I'm looking for anyway.

Since I know about a zillion children I hid the wine in the bottom of the shopping cart so no one could see. As echos of "Hi Mrs. Vincent" filled the isles of Walmart, my secret was safely tucked away. I got to a check out line that was fairly short......what a treat! I placed all of my items on the belt with my wine carefully hidden in the middle. The cashier picks it up to scan and guess what....she's not 21 so she can't sell it to me. She says, "No problem, my manager will be here in a minute and scan it." Great. So as an eternity of time passed on (in reality it was only about three VERY long minutes) and the check out line started to really pile up, the manager finally arrives........no wait. She didn't come to us, but the next lane so my cashier says, "Hey, this lady has alcohol and I can't ring it up." As I turned three shades of red the manager approaches to do the deed and to my wonderful surprise the Boone's won't ring up.........before I could say forget it she pulls out her handy dandy radio and calls (oh so loudly) for a price check on the Boone's. By this point the 10 people in line behind me are irritated at the wait, but amused at the idiot customer who is ready for the earth to swallow her up whole. I grasp for words to break the tension I feel and the mood of the other shoppers so I look at them and say "I'm guessing this is God telling me to put the bottle back!" and a little old woman behind me says "You had better take it home honey.........after all of this you have earned it!" OUCH!!