Friday, September 18, 2009

Crickets: The Devil's Insect

Bugs don't bother me. I help my son catch them and put them in mason jars for his "pets" until they croak and I throw them out and tell him they escaped. I don't jump or shriek at the sight of creepy crawly things, but recently I have come to the conclusion that crickets are insects sent straight to us from the devil.

As all pregnant women are, I am usually exhausted (and somewhat) moody in the evening. On Wednesday night I managed to get into the bed early. Allow me to share a time line of my night.

8:30 - Colby and I lay down in bed and read a couple of books together.
9:00 - Lights out and off to dream land...............ahh..........bliss
10:00 - I hear a cricket chirping in the vicinity of my bedroom window. I roll over and put a pillow over my head.
10:30 - I get out of bed due to the ceaseless chirping sound with intentions of catching the cricket and letting it go out the back door. I look with a flash light, but do not find it and the chirping stops.
10:35 - The chirping starts again. I turn my fan up a notch to mask the noise.
11:00 - I get up to potty and shake the curtains as I go.
11:15 - I get back out of bed and smack the curtains and look with the flashlight once again for the little critter.
12:00 - I get up with all intentions of killing the *$%^&@#$ cricket when I find it.
12:15 - I mentally conclude that the cricket that is chirping must be the size of a dog and lodged in the walls of my bedroom.
12:30 - I throw one of my many pillows at the window (I have to sleep in a nest of pillows to keep me on my side!)
1:00 - I get up and start beating the window and curtains. I curse and thrash trying to make the noise stop.
1:00 - 2:00 - and endless cycle of up and downs to hit the window and look for the cricket with the flashlight.
2:00 - I jump out of bed and LITERALLY rip the curtains from the rods (rods rip out of the walls) and stomp up and down on them.
2:05 - %$^#@%^ cricket chirps again.
2:30 - I stumble into the living room where Jeremy has been sleeping bawling and squalling like an infant..........I am exhausted and mad. Jeremy just looks at me for a while shaking his head.
2:40 - I am still squalling and my idiot husband has the nerve to say "Are you sure you are crying over a cricket or because you have been so mean to me lately."
2:41-2:43 - Profanities are screamed at my husband.
2:45 - Jeremy (with head ducked) brings two box fans into the living room and plugs them in to drown out the sound of the cricket. He tucks me in on the couch with a pillow over my head and I finally pass out.


Thursday was a terribly long day - 3 hours of sleep and teenagers don't mix well. I get home and get all of the nightly chores finished and I lay down in the bed with Jeremy at 9:00. We are laying in bed talking for only 5 minutes when what do we hear?? Chirp freakin' chirp. My face crumpled and I let out an animal like cry and Jeremy (who was apparently much smarter at this point) gets up wordlessly and goes outside. For the next ten minutes I hear him hosing down the side of the house with a fierce stream of water. No more chirps were heard..............and yes, as I type this at 8:30 on a Friday night, he is out there hosing down the house again for a "just in case" measure..............I think he's afraid one more chirp might be my breaking point. He just might be right!


Nan said...

Sounds like hubby learned his lesson well! Those are pesky critters... crickets, not husbands...well...

Heather said...

That would have drove me crazy too!

Jeremy, Shauna, & Kennedy said...

That is so funny!!! Your posts are hilarious!

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