An Apology From the Pregnancy Hormones

Dear Readers,

To each of you who know Brooke, I feel the need to write an apology of sorts on her behalf. You may have noticed a change in her recently, but I am to blame for that………….this letter is from her hormones.

Now many of you love Brooke and think that she is s good friend and fun person to be around. In the past few weeks many of you may think differently. She can’t help it. We hormones have taken over her body and transformed her in to the demon woman she occasionally has been.

To her sweet husband, Jeremy: We are sorry that you don’t know if you should speak to her or run for cover. We are sorry that she changes her mind at the drop of a hat. We are sorry that she has thrown countless items at you and cussed you time and time again. We are sorry that she begs your father to let you come and live with him on a daily basis. She does love you. It’s just that our “hormone power” over takes her rational basis of thought and she can’t think about how much she loves you. One day Brooke will return and you can rekindle that marital flame………..she may even let you touch her again! No promises there, but we are hoping for the best.

To the lady that works at the McDonald’s drive in: We are sorry that Brooke told you that you would get farther in life if you would smile once in a while. We are sorry that she held up the drive through line for 10 minutes on day refusing to move her car until you gave her the LARGE cup of water she had asked for. And we are sorry that she told the manager that she should hire people that have enough sense to know the difference in a small cup and large cup. Once again it was just us hormones. Brooke had nothing to do with it.

To the poor Hispanic man who watched Brooke’s pants fall to the ground in the CVS parking lot: We apologize for we know your life will never be the same. You see, that day she was mad because she couldn’t find any pants she wanted to wear. She felt the most rational decision would be to wear the pants she wanted to (not maternity pants) unbuttoned and unzipped. Little did she know they would fall to her ankles as she buckled her oldest son into his car seat. I’m sorry you had to see her that way. Brooke typically keeps her clothes on in public, but we hormones seem to make her a bit crazy and do things out of the ordinary.

To the employees at Wal-Mart: We hormones apologize for Brooke throwing up in the dairy isle, in the canned food isle, in the checkout, and near the seafood department during the past 4 months. She has been awfully queasy thanks to us, but soon she may be able to go grocery shopping without throwing up!

To the mailman: Sorry Brooke left you a hateful letter about your inability to close the mailbox.

To the mail order prescription company Medco: Sorry Brooke told you to get your head out of your a$$, speak English, and fill her husband’s medicine before he slipped into a diabetic coma.

To the workers at Western Kentucky Orthopedic: Brooke hates you. It’s not just because of us hormones. If it didn’t take you 7-10 days to fill out a one page form then she wouldn’t call to check on you four times a day to see if you are finished. Fill out the form and she will leave you alone. We can’t apologize for that one.

To any other Brooke has insulted or been downright mean to (or will insult and be downright mean to): We hormones apologize from the bottoms of our hearts. We have taken over her body and sense of compassion and replaced them with anger and bitterness. Don’t worry. When she gives birth in a few short months we will move on and our friends “Postpartum depression” will try and slip on in. They are even more of a mystery then we are!

Sincerely,
The Pregnancy Hormones

No Speaka English

I know I am getting ready to sound "closed minded" and "prejudice" but at this point in my rant and rave for the day, I DO NOT CARE!

I have been on the phone for several conversations today with insurance companies, disability companies for Jeremy, and the mail order prescription company we get our meds from. What do all of these places have in common (other than being overly priced and SLOW to do things?)........NO ONE SPEAKS ANY ENGLISH!!!!

Of the 3 people I have spoken with and the 2 people I yelled at, I did not once speak to anyone who spoke fluent enough English for me to not have to ask "Can you repeat that?" more than 10 times. Now I realize I may not be the easiest to understand in my "country twang," but come on! Am I accidentally dialing India and I am unaware?

Now I have no problem with people of different nationalities, but this absolutely DRIVES ME INSANE!!

Does this drive anyone else mad, or am I on the "SPEAK SOME FREAKIN' ENGLISH" bandwagon alone friends?

Crickets: The Devil's Insect

Bugs don't bother me. I help my son catch them and put them in mason jars for his "pets" until they croak and I throw them out and tell him they escaped. I don't jump or shriek at the sight of creepy crawly things, but recently I have come to the conclusion that crickets are insects sent straight to us from the devil.

As all pregnant women are, I am usually exhausted (and somewhat) moody in the evening. On Wednesday night I managed to get into the bed early. Allow me to share a time line of my night.

8:30 - Colby and I lay down in bed and read a couple of books together.
9:00 - Lights out and off to dream land...............ahh..........bliss
10:00 - I hear a cricket chirping in the vicinity of my bedroom window. I roll over and put a pillow over my head.
10:30 - I get out of bed due to the ceaseless chirping sound with intentions of catching the cricket and letting it go out the back door. I look with a flash light, but do not find it and the chirping stops.
10:35 - The chirping starts again. I turn my fan up a notch to mask the noise.
11:00 - I get up to potty and shake the curtains as I go.
11:15 - I get back out of bed and smack the curtains and look with the flashlight once again for the little critter.
12:00 - I get up with all intentions of killing the *$%^&@#$ cricket when I find it.
12:15 - I mentally conclude that the cricket that is chirping must be the size of a dog and lodged in the walls of my bedroom.
12:30 - I throw one of my many pillows at the window (I have to sleep in a nest of pillows to keep me on my side!)
1:00 - I get up and start beating the window and curtains. I curse and thrash trying to make the noise stop.
1:00 - 2:00 - and endless cycle of up and downs to hit the window and look for the cricket with the flashlight.
2:00 - I jump out of bed and LITERALLY rip the curtains from the rods (rods rip out of the walls) and stomp up and down on them.
2:05 - %$^#@%^ cricket chirps again.
2:30 - I stumble into the living room where Jeremy has been sleeping bawling and squalling like an infant..........I am exhausted and mad. Jeremy just looks at me for a while shaking his head.
2:40 - I am still squalling and my idiot husband has the nerve to say "Are you sure you are crying over a cricket or because you have been so mean to me lately."
2:41-2:43 - Profanities are screamed at my husband.
2:45 - Jeremy (with head ducked) brings two box fans into the living room and plugs them in to drown out the sound of the cricket. He tucks me in on the couch with a pillow over my head and I finally pass out.

I HATE CRICKETS!!!!!

Thursday was a terribly long day - 3 hours of sleep and teenagers don't mix well. I get home and get all of the nightly chores finished and I lay down in the bed with Jeremy at 9:00. We are laying in bed talking for only 5 minutes when what do we hear?? Chirp freakin' chirp. My face crumpled and I let out an animal like cry and Jeremy (who was apparently much smarter at this point) gets up wordlessly and goes outside. For the next ten minutes I hear him hosing down the side of the house with a fierce stream of water. No more chirps were heard..............and yes, as I type this at 8:30 on a Friday night, he is out there hosing down the house again for a "just in case" measure..............I think he's afraid one more chirp might be my breaking point. He just might be right!

Baby Vincent is Going to Be.......................

IT'S A BOY!!!! We had a wonderful ultrasound today..........she spent 1 hour and 10 minutes checking out baby Vincent. They measured everything that one could possibly measure and EVERYTHING was perfect!!! We do have to go back in a couple of weeks because there was one shot of the heart they needed and could not get because he was moving around so much, but they know from other shots all is great!

Colby is beyond thrilled! This morning when we dropped him off at school he gave me a big hug and kiss and whispered in my ear, "Momma, please make the baby be a boy!" I told him we would do our best. When we got out of the appointment we called Colby first and he answered his Pa's phone saying "So, what is it? A boy or a girl?" When we told him boy he hooted and hollered and said, "I was right!! I knew it!" It was priceless! Daddy said his face was the sweetest thing he has ever gotten to see!

I asked Dr. Graves about the H1N1 vaccine that the other doctor recommended I get. She feels the same as I do about not taking the vaccine because it is so new. She said that she strongly feels that it is a bunch of "hoop-la" and that I will be fine just taking the regular flu shot! That made me very happy!!

So my blood pressure is good, platelets are perfect, and baby Vincent is absolutely where he needs to be! Isn't God amazing!!!

Now, for a name.................I wanted one with a C but I haven't found anything that I am stuck on so I am looking for a name starting with any letter........any suggestions??

Thanks for your prayers and well wishes!! Love you all!

Bowling Green Dr. Visit

I had my visit at Dr. Lyon's office today and everything went very well. Baby Vincent has a nice, strong heartbeat and my blood pressure was great and I had only gained 1 pound. She gave me the yucky junk to drink before the next visit, but hopefully I will be having a "no puke" day and can keep the stuff down!

She did give me a little bit of a talk that kind of freaked me out. She asked if I was still working with kids and I told her yes, but at the middle school level. She said that if I am around ANYONE, at school or otherwise, that has the flu and get a SINGLE symptom I am to call her immediately, day or night, and I will be sent to one of the hospitals for an immediate feed back flu screen. She said that with all the sickness and crazy strands of flu out there that immediate treatment would be the only thing she felt comfortable with. She also told me that I had to get the regular flu shot (which I get every year) and if I can get my hands on the H1N1 vaccine she STRONGLY recommends that I get that too!

What???????? Am I silly to think that I don't want to take a vaccine that has yet to be tested for any period of time? She is the doctor and she knows best, but this one has made me scratch my head wondering what to do. Any thoughts?

Also, say a prayer for us tonight if you can. We head to Nashville to see Dr. Graves tomorrow. This ultrasound will not only tell us the baby's gender, but will screen for a variety of developmental issues that the baby may or may not have. We are praying for perfect of course, but we have decided that we can handle whatever God chooses to send our way. I will let you know what we find out tomorrow night friends!!!

Getting Excited!

We head to Baptist this Thursday to find out how the baby is doing and hopefully find out if the baby is a boy or a girl! We are all really excited and as Colby says, "Ready to find out what the thing is so we can pick a name already!" He is really hoping for a little brother, and we would very much like that too, but at this point we will be thrilled just to have a baby that is full term and a normal weight!

We are really wanting to use a name for the baby that starts with the letter C if possible, but we are having a hard time finding names that we really like. Any suggestions?